Dance of Release

It's getting closer... and time is flying faster and faster.

My book, well, actually, God's book, will be released soon.

So. Some time early next year, I will have a real, live book on Amazon for purchase in print or via Kindle. It will be my picture on the back of the gorgeous book cover (see my last post on 11/19/23) and there will be another picture of me on the inside with a paragraph or two "About the Author" - me!

Wow. If anyone had told me a few years ago that this would happen, I would have thought it was a nice idea that would never be realized.

But God. He placed this calling within me, within days of beginning my caregiving journey with my dad. I wrote the book I wish I had access to. About caregiving, dementia, struggle, desperation, and God's amazing love.

Probably around ten or so years ago, I had a few people tell me, around the same time without knowing it, that I should write a book. Writing has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember, but I never considered a book, and I didn't feel like I had anything to offer that was book worthy.

But God. Yes, in His perfect timing, years later, God placed this deep desire within me.

I took this desire and I ran with it. And God orchestrated everything to fall into place perfectly.

But as with any new experience, even a good one, there is a learning curve.

Learning curves, for me anyway, are not beautifully formed smooth and symetrical arcs. My learning curve experiences look like somone drew a cresent moon on a rough surface.

The reality of gaining knowledge and applying it is always some level of bumpy for me. This one, it seems, has been especially bumpy, while at the same time, the experience has been exciting and based on a foundation of the joy of living a God-given dream.

It's great to have a knowledgeable expert who happens to be very patient and longsuffering. She's walking with me along my bumpy learning curve. Thanks Wendy!

Months ago during the editing process, there was the hard work of going back into many of the chapters and adding more information. Initially, I held back. I left things out that I felt would paint my dad in a negative light. But Wendy wisely advised me that readers need to see real, so they can relate to the story, and so they will want to keep reading. I needed to be authentic and share how I was impacted in this season and why I struggled as I did. So, I shared much of how Dad acted and reacted as age and dementia progressively stole him away from me. I stopped holding back because I was afraid, and I released valuable information to help others in their tough times of caregiving.

Now we are working on formatting how the inside of the book will look. And I've learned that while I keep saying this is not my book, but God's, and the results are up to Him, I've not been good about living that out. I'm not holding back here, but holding on. Holding on where I need to allow Wendy to utilize her expertise. Trying to "help" her do what I have no idea how to do, when I need to open up my hand and release my hold on the illusion of control, my fears, and my lack of trust and let her do her job.

I am learning that release is required not only for the book, but for me. My choice to open my tight fist and release my grip on what I'm holding is a balancing act. I'm a part of the process but cannot hold too tightly. Release is not possible from a fisted hand.

I choose release. And I pray for the remaining time of this journey to be one of confidence and awareness of guidance from God on the right way to balance my desires for the book He gave me to write while giving it away to an expert to use her God-given gifts to make it more than I could imagine.

This is a dance, if you will, a dance of release. It can be beautiful and free flowing, or stiff and stilted, and the choice is mine. I want to dance, in a way I could never do on my own.